Here's us playing 'Porkchops' from our cd, in jail. Actually, it was the CBC soundstage here in Toronto.

As I approach the competent level on the banjo, I'm reminded of how I felt when I was playing guitar.

I recall reaching a point of competence on the guitar where I could play things fairly decently without trying too hard. I had put in enough time and effort to make it seem as though things were coming to me naturally, even though they most certainly hadn't.

One day, while playing, I had this terrifying flash of horror. That little fucking demon in my sub-conscious mind managed to get out of his cage and pelt me with questions like 'what's the point?' or 'suppose you do get to be as proficient as you've always wanted to be. Then what?'

I guess that's why Munch painted 'The scream.'

Sometimes I feel as though I've got a devil on one shoulder……………….. and a devil on the other.

It took me a long time to get past that one……….. Well, o.k., we don't ever completely overcome that one, but we can learn to deal with it.

I've learned to accept things for what they are and to apprerciate that things are just what they are -nothing more, nothing less.

Am I sounding like a buddhist here? I hope not. I resent the fact that those fuckers are getting so much credit for unanswerable ideas, or what we refer to as thought experiments.

So, as I approach a comfortable level of achievement on my banjo, I begin to wonder whether I'm gonna get hit with that fucking angst again.

I doubt it.

Life is pretty good.

All I really want to do is sit around and play my banjo, and watch old westerns.

Alright, that's not entirely true. All I really want to do is sit around and play my banjo, watch old westerns, smoke cigarettes, drink beer, take photographs, travel, read books, tell everyone to kiss my ass, and maybe some day, visit the centre of a black hole to see if Stephen Hawking knew what the hell he was talking about.

Now, that's not too much to ask for, is it?

Here's a fun quiz for you to take. Supposedly, it gives you a fair estimation of your life expectancy, and what your current age actually is, with regards to your lifestyle.

I got a life expectancy of 71 years, which I think is quite a bit on the high side.

However, I got a 'current' age of 48 -three years older than I really am.

Leads me to believe that the results should have a + or - percentage of about 30 points.

Kinda like most election predictions. 

I had just written this monumental post, but just before hitting the 'publish' button, I decided to do a little checking on my site. -Yes, I'm easily distracted.

Seems I had already written about the same thing.

I seem to have completely forgotten writing about what I was about to post….

Normally, you would think that committing such a redundancy would be somewhat alarming.

Well, not really. I look at it thusly: I'm happily moving into middle age, and eventually I hope to forget all kinds of shit. Hell, I might even make it to the point where my stories/anecdotes/diatribes have absolutely no point at all!

What do I win for surviving this long?!?!

I've been a hobby photographer for years now. I really enjoy just grabbing my camera as an excuse to get out of the house, and go for a walk.

My Pop was a professional photographer so you might say that it's in my blood. Then again, you might say that that's why I've never pursued it beyond the 'serious hobby' level.

I've had some stuff published over the years, done a few album covers, etc., but I've never had the desire to attempt to make a living at it.

Actually, i'm very selfish about it. It's something I do just for myself. People automatically assume that if you do something creative, you should at least try and make a living at it.

Not me. That would spoil everything. 

     A number of years ago, I took the plunge and went digital. 'Big deal,' you might think, 'everybody shoots digital nowadays.' Well, you'd be correct to think that, but at the time, digital photography was in it's infancy, and internet arguments (what is it about forums and chat boards that brings out the argumentative side of people? Anonymity? A penchant for stirring up shit?) raged on about which format was better; or if digital photography would ever surpass film, in terms of quality.

For many years, I shot nothing but slides. I had an old Nikon F3, with various and sundry lenses, filters, attachments, etc. I was all set.

I used to set up my projector, (Leitz) open a beer, and enlarge my shots onto my bedroom wall. It was great. The hush of the cooling fan in the old projector, the warm scent of the bulb heating the unit up, along with the regular clicking of advancing the slides along was a very soothing feeling.

Or was it the booze?

Anyway, I eventually went out and bought a little digital point-n-shooter when the quality had reached what I thought to be a satisfactory level. I figured it would just be a toy, or something fun to back up my film SLR.

I hardly ever used my film camera again.

At length, I mustered up my courage, as well as my mastercard, and bought a full bodied digital SLR -an Olympus E1, and have never looked back.

$8500. later, I've bought into a full olympus system. Yes, the original outlay is a lot, but I justified it by saying to myself, "I'll never have to buy film, or pay to have it processed again." I figure if I live to be about a hundred or forty-seven or so, I'll have broke even.

…….. back from a brief attack of mental instability……….

Yesterday, Barry Bonds schwacked his 755th tater over the wall to tie him with Hank Aaron on the all time leaders list.

This really annoyed some people, who feel as though Bonds is a steriod enhanced cheater, and an asshole to boot.

Actually they're right. But that's what I LIKE about Bonds. He is an asshole, and he's currently under investigation for steroid use.

I like the idea that Bonds seemingly goes out of his way to make people hate him. I suspect that he's not only trying to break Aaron's home run record, but he's trying to surmount Ty Cobb's achievements in vile behaviour.

He most certainly will surpass Aaron, but he's got to go a hell of a lot further to beat ol Ty.

Cobb was a bonafide psychopath. His storied career is littered with anecdotes of him attacking fans, extreme racist behaviour, alleged gambling on games, beating his wife, and just about anyone else who stood in his way.

What I find interesting is that over time, all of these grave 'character flaws' have become something of a joke. "Yeah, that 'ol Ty  sure was a mean son-of-a-bitch, but he sure could hit!……… chuckle-chuckle."

Then, there's the beloved Mick -Mickey Mantle. Mantle admitted to regularly playing drunk, and was the proud recipient of a new liver after he blew his own out from years of boozing. Never mind the bullshit about celebrities getting preferential treatment. It's just not true!  -yes, i'm being sarcastic here…….

Again, we see that as the years pass all transgressions are forgiven. Besides -more sarcasm coming- booze is not at all like steroids. It's a different type of drug………. no wait…… I stand corrected……… it's not a drug at all. Our government says so!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: ATHLETES AND CELEBRITIES ARE NOT ROLE MODELS. Secretly I hope that some day Barry Bonds (perhaps on the occasion of giving his hall of fame induction speech) will say as much. Wouldn't that be hilarious?

Announcer: "Ladies and gentleman…………. inducted into the Hall of Fame on the first ballot by the Baseball Writers of America, the all time leading home run king, number 25 for the San Francisco Giants, BARRY BONDS!!!!!!"

Barry Bonds, stepping up to the podium to mixed applause: "Thank you very much fans! Can I hear it a little louder from the folks at the back? Come on people…….. I'm the greatest that ever was, you can do better than that!

First off, I want to extend a big thanks to the Baseball Writers of America for voting me into the Hall of Fame, mind you, they should be thanking me for giving them so much to write about over the years.

I, of course, should have been voted in on the first ballot. It really is quite obvious that a man of my vertiginous talents would be a shoo-in for the Hall.

Ladies and gentlemen, there is something that I would like to address today. Something that I have strived for throughout my entire professional carreer.

I would like to take a moment to briefly talk about how much of an asshole that I was, and continue to be. Further to that, I would like to point out that you are even bigger assholes than I for trying to make a model out of me. heh-heh……… that's like trying to teach your daughters how to be ladies by showing them videos of that old attention whore, Madonna."  

cough-cough………. "Pardon my French."

"In the dark days of my baseball career, I was in jeopardy of becoming too much of a nice guy, who's outbursts and raving tantrums were perceived as just a psychological side-effect of of my enormous talents.

"Fortunately, I was able to overcome this mis-representation with the deliberate use of steroids. Believe me, It hasn't been easy. Only a true champion like myself would be able to withstand the horrors of a banned substance, and then leak to the press that I had actually used them.  

"For that I am to be commended.

"Thank you for your foolish concern and interest over my long and illustrious career. You may approach the podium aafter I have dropped my drawers to kiss my ass!"

Well…… I survived yesterday with more or less all of my faculties intact.

We played two gigs -afternoon at the Rex, and evening at Chicago's in Oshawa. I'm feeling pretty beat up and stiff today from wearing that damned banjo for six sets.

The night before, I didn't sleep too much (too excited) so I was thinking that I was gonna be fucked by the time we hit the stage at Chicago's.

Surprisingly, I felt fine. I guess it's the excitement of playing that makes me reach into the extra reserves for that sustaining energy.

Add to that, I didn't eat anything all day. I just forgot all about it. That either makes me a cheap drunk, or a moron. Both I guess……… I didn't realize this until after our last set at Chicago's, when the ol' belly started complaining.

I'm constantly surprised at how many people come up to me saying things like 'I never knew I liked this kind of music until I saw you guys.

I suspect that a lot of people are 'conditioned' to think that old-time music and the like, are just for old timers! Gives me a good feeling when people tell me stuff like that. Makes me think that I might be on the right track!

A little political rant fo those that are in the mood.

We've been inundated here in Toronto with the news of the melee that transpired after the FIFA Under 20 World Cup game a couple of nights ago between Chile and Argentina.

All hell broke loose after the game when a few Chilean players got into it with a couple of Toronto's finest.

Now, I wasn't there, so I can't be certain of how the events unfolded, but judging by how things are playing out in the press, I'm starting to get a semi-visible picture of the heightened stupidity unfolding before my very eyes.

It seems that the Chilean government -who obviously weren't there either- are demanding an apology, along with lodging a formal complaint with the (my) Canadian government.

Apparently, the incident stemmed from what the Chilean team perceived to be poor refereeing. More specifically, they went on record as saying 'The German referee did not officiate the game the way that officials do in our country.'

Then they had the temerity to say that the Toronto police did not act like the Chilean police.

WELL……….. GUESS WHAT ASS HATS?!?!

YOU'RE NOT IN FUCKING CHILE!!!

You're in Canada now ASSHOLES.

Let me give you a couple of pointers (unfortunately, obviously too late) that might help you see things a little clearer: OBEY THE FUCKING COPS!!! You might not agree with them, but you found out the hard way that they have the tasers, the night sticks, and the steel toed boots. You, on the other hand are armoured in soccer shorts, and Nike sneakers. Good luck!

Secondly, you knew who the referee was going to be before the match even started. Don't you think it might have been prudent, maybe even strategical, to play a game that suited his refereeing style? You might have actually won the game had you been able to use your brains instead of letting your emotions get the better of you.

Sure, there was a couple of bad calls, but that's the nature of sport. Referees are human. They make mistakes. Take your fucking lumps with a stiff upper lip, and get on with the game.  Show some fucking sportsmanship.

Of course, it's a little late for that. You took your lumps alright…….. unfortunately it was in the parking lot after the game.

Somebody call the WHAAAAA-M-BULANCE. You're a bunch of fucking pussies.

GO ARGENTINA!!!

This saturday (July 21/07) we'll be playing from 3:30 'till 7:00 p.m. at The Rex Hotel here in Toronto, and then hauling our asses down the highway to Oshawa for a gig at Chicago's that night from 9:30 'till 1 a.m.

I'm getting the feeling that this is going to be a fairly contradictory post. Well, what do you expect? I spent the whole day on the couch with nothing but a hangover for company….

As I've mentioned before, I work in a live music bar. What does that make me (besides a bartender)? JADED; that's what. I did a little calculating, and figured that I probably see about 250-300 bands a year. Yes, that's a lot of noise.

To be brutally frank with you, most of them are fucking gawd-awful. Never the less, it's my job, and I like to think that my skin (and ear drums) are thick enough to handle it.

I like my job. Maybe once a year, I'll hear a band that really blows me away.

I'm not talking about the big touring bands that I see quite regularly, I mean the local kids.

You know, -the ones that rehearse in their parents basement while their mother is upstairs stomping on the floor, and howling for them to 'shut the fuck up' because she's trying to watch Gilligan's Island re-runs, and can't hear what Thursten Howell the Third is whining about over the racket that's wafting up from the floor below.

Once, or twice a year, I'll see a band that really smokes my ass. Four kids from Etobicoke, Markham, or some other god-forsaken suburb, who've decided to put together a band, so they can get girls.

Four little snot nosed punks (nice use of a complementary diminutive, huh?) crash the stage, and blast out some high volume ear poison, that somehow works. There's nobody in the house, and their playing like it's the charge of the fucking light brigade!

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