Just returned from my annual holiday. This year, it was London, Paris, and a few other stops in between, or in the near vicinity.

Taken from my notes -yes, I thought it would be prudent to keep a journal to refresh my 'holiday-spirited' brain- here's a review of the various museums and galleries that I based my trip upon. That is, other than the pubs!

The Tate Gallery, London

I really only visited the Tate to see the J.M.W.Turner pieces, and the couple of Francis Bacon works that they have there. I'm not that big of a fan of 20th century contemporary art, -other than a few select New York artists.

The beautiful building that houses the art is situated right along the Thames. It's almost as beautiful as some of the works that I enjoyed. Well lit, and not too overwhelming.

4/5

National Gallery, London

Truly a world class gallery -if not one of the best. Right up there with the Prado, and the Uffizzi.

Again, this gallery is not too overcrowded with works. One doesn't overdose on art as rapidly as with other Galleries.

Unfortunately, it loses a point for the annoying reflections on some of the art due to the poor positioning of the overhead lights.

4/5

The Imperial War Museum, Lambeth, London

Absolutely stunning. Brilliantly laid out. An fantastic example of how to display both small and large (tanks, fighter planes, etc.) pieces. Perfectly captures the stories and sentiments behind 20th century British conflicts around the world.

5/5

National Portrait Gallery, London

Well done, but again, suffers from annoying overhead light reflections. Also, a lot of the pieces that were highlighted in the guide book were absent. Probably on loan to other Galleries, or on travelling exhibits.

3.5/5

National Maritime Museum, Greenwich

Looked good, but couldn't stay long to see everything. Fuckin' 'ell!!! There was an 'orrible steel band in the foyer of the museum making such a racket that I had to rush through certain parts.

On assumption, I'll give it a 3/5

St. Pauls Cathedral, London

Not a gallery per se, but more like a gallery of the dead.

Horatio Nelson, The Duke of Wellington, Sir Christopher Wren are a few of the notables interred there.

It's £9.50 (about $20.) to get in -to a church, no less, but at least this affords one the opportunity to get ripped off in their souvenir shop. Hey…….. every church should have a souvenir shop.

I noticed fridge magnets of Lord Nelson on display right beside those of his mistress, Emma Hamilton. Apparently the church has no problems selling you junk depicting known adulterers, as long as they can make a buck. Try as I might though, I couldn't find a fridge magnet of his actual wife Fanny. I guess she's not worth the bucks.

I did, however, fork out £25.50 for a beautiful pewter beer stein engraved with the action of the battle of Trafalgar.

……every church oughtta sell beer steins!

2/5

Royal Naval Museum, Portsmouth, England

High marks for having actual ships you can enter, and tour. H.M.S. Victory (Nelson's ship at Trafalgar), H.M.S. Victory, etc., all lovingly restored to their original condition.

However, unlike London, where every gallery and museum is free, one has to pay admission to the RNM, as well as pay for each ride, I mean attraction. I only paid for the HMS Victory.

The exhibits in the buildings were superb.

4/5

Ze Loov-RUH, Paree

The most famous gallery in the world. Unfortunately, also the busiest. Inundated with American tourists who absolutely MUST see La Jaconde (The Mona Lisa), even though they don't understand why.

The first time I visited the Louvre, I was absolutely appalled at the rugby-like scrum in front of da Vinci's most famous piece. People shoved each other out of the way in an attempt to jockey into a better position to take a photo with their shitty little camera -even though there are signs everywhere telling you not to.

That's what a room full of assholes looks like.

Having been there before, I knew that I should get there early on a middle of the week day. I arrived at 9:30 on a wednesday morning, and the place was quite tolerable.

The only thing I can criticize the Louvre for is that it's too goddamned big. It would be a hell of a lot more user friendly if it was split into two, or maybe even three separate galleries.

4/5

La Musee D'Orsay, Paris

Impressionist art is another style that I'm not that big on. There is, however, an entire room dedicated to the works of Henri Toulouse-Lautrec. Spectacular!

5/5

-My spam trap for this blog just passed the 2500 mark. In fact, it currently sits at 2501; a prime number.  ……mmmmm…… prime numbers…….

-We played a gig last sunday morning/afternoon, at the Mississauga Folk Fest. Three sets. One on the main stage; and two other sets on different stages without p.a.'s. (Is there supposed to be an apostrophe in p.a.'s?. It's not possessive, it's plural, but it sure looks weird without one) It was cool playing without a p.a. No mics; no cables; no muss, no fuss. Just sit down and play.

-I'm going on my annual holidays this Sunday. Two glorious weeks in London, and Paris, and anywhere else I can think of in between whilst over there. Don't bother trying to reach me…….

-Remember: a good friend will come down to the jailhouse and bail your ass out any time of the day or night. However, a REAL friend is the one sitting next to you in the drunk tank saying "Wow! Wasn't that fun?!?!"

Here we are playing Walking Boss on the front porch of The Second Cup at the Southside Shuffle a week and a half ago!

Man, those good old double espressos do come in handy……

This Tuesday past, we went into the studio to record, and video tape some new songs for a television program airing on the Bravo network.

We started at ten a.m., and were out by five that afternoon with six songs in the can, and about a half hour of interview footage.

Not bad, when I consider that I've been on studio sessions where it's taken that much time just to get the sound of one drum 'right.'

For better or worse, we remain lo/no-tech.

We record everything pretty much 'off the floor,' as they say in studio parlance, which means that we set up a bunch of mics, and all play together as we would if we were playing a show.

Recording in this manner pretty much negates the chance of overdubbing or fixing things after you've completed a song, because even though you can fade certain parts up and down in the final mix, you can't really get rid of them because everything 'bleeds' into every mic.

My vocals can be heard in Alec's bass mic, for example, or Jerome's harp bleeds into my vocal mic…….

It's an old time way of recording old time music.

The down side of working this way, is that you've gotta get things right for the duration of the whole song. Make a mistake, and you've gotta start over from the beginning. No problem if your not pressed for time, but what usually happens if you keep repeating the same thing over and over, is that you eventually lose some of the energy, and enthusiasm.

Additionally, one doesn't have the opportunity to add other parts, or to overdub vocals. What you play, is what you get -warts and all!

Also, recording in this manner, one has the propensity to over-scrutinize the final results. "My voice was a little out of tune in the second chorus"; "I could have played a better solo if I was able to overdub one"; "this fucking banjo is a retarded instrument……."

A certain amount of…… shall I boldly say…….. bravery is required to gather the confidence to say that you're satisfied with the results when you're finished.

……….Or is it stupidity?

This past Saturday afternoon, we played at the Southside Shuffle in Port Credit, Ontario for the second year in a row. We had a great time, and Jerome played particularly well -I thought so.

I was again reminded of how I sometimes feel as though we are sneaking in under the radar for some of these gigs.

The 'Shuffle is a big street fest where they have about a dozen bands stationed every fifty meters or so, playing at intervals throughout the day. They're pretty much all electric blues based.

Then there's us.

No amps; acoustic instruments only; harmonies, -and lots of foolishness. I really got a kick out of playing something like a hurtin' country song, while some band up the street was blasting out a B.B. King tune.

The nice thing about it though, is that a lot of people really seemed to enjoy the change of pace. We pulled some pretty good crowds all afternoon.

However, my festival 'moment' of the day wasn't music related. I was walking around in between sets, checking out some of the other bands, and noticing this horrific stench that was periodically wafting up from the lake. I overheard one of the locals talking about it, and saying that 'it's starting to smell like Toronto around here!'

We're gonna be playing at the Southside Shuffle again this year in Port Credit.

This Saturday afternoon -Sept. 8, we'll be part of the street fest from 3 'till 7.

We played the Shuffle last year and it was a blast. It's the kind of gig that keeps you loose, and makes you feel as though you're busking. Who knows, maybe this year we'll just grab out instruments and take a stroll through the crowd……

I don't know if I mentioned this before, but I live right over an A.A. meeting hall. It's great for me -I have no bothersome neighbors to complain about… They're usually only there for a couple of hours each evening. The only thing that really concerns me is the wanted poster with my image on it, in the front window…….

Funny thing is though, I'm starting to get the feeling that a lot (maybe most) of them aren't even reformed drunks. I'm beginning to think that most of 'em are using their daily meet to get away from their wives, hang out with each other, bullshit amongst themselves, cook big meals, and escape from the drudgery of day to day living.

It's like a fucking clubhouse down there.

Smart, huh?

Here we are living in the age of rehab, where we are taught to forgive each other for our past transgressions, and that everything will be alright if we only admit our sins.

"Yeah, I was a mess. I blew the kids college fund on crack, and cheap whores, but since I've admitted my problems, and attempted to turn my life around, all is forgiven! Fuckin' AYYY!!!!"

I gotta admit, it looks pretty good from my perspective.

The way I see it, our current psychology driven ideologies tell us that it's O.K. to fuck up everything all to shit, so long as we eventually admit it, and attempt some kind of re-programming.

"That wasn't really me who crashed my car on your front lawn, pissed on your doorstep, and then stormed into your house threatening to massacre your entire family for building your home where there should have been a road! That was the booze/drugs talking……."

(O.k., I know I'm going all over the place with this post………. I've had a few, alright?)

HOUSEWIFE #1: "Yeah, George is at his meeting tonight. God bless him, he's really turned his life around"

HOUSEWIFE #2: "How long will he have to go to these meetings Shirley? Isn't he all better now?"

HOUSEWIFE#1: "He'll always have to go to his meetings Dorothy. For ever, and ever."

Smart guy, that George…………

Back in the last century, I was actually in a band. We had an awful lot of fun, AND an awful lot of un-fun, doing things our own way. I guess what made us popular, also ultimately undid our carreers.

We sure were stubborn bastards…….. 

Ben, who was the bass player in The Phantoms sent me a couple of vids that he posted to youtube.

Here's Heavenly Girl from our first cd. Hmmmmmm……… Nice headband Joe……

Target features Jerome's awesome skateboarding technique, as well as my Angus Young shorts!

We did a track with the late great Dutch Mason. Who Do You Love? Yeah Baby!

Hell, the CBC even did a mini documentary on us.

Here's a video of One Way Street. All I remember about this one was freezing my balls off in some goddamned auto scrapyard in the middle of the night.

Ugghh… This one brought back old memories of playing it live on the 'Dini Petty Show', which was an afternoon talk show back then. I remember looking up and seeing a room full of blue haired old ladies. Definately NOT what you'd call our target audience. The Things I've Been.

In the early seventies, Canada officially converted to the metric system, in effect pulling the rug out from under all of us school kids who were just coming to grips with 16oz. in a pound, or 16 liquid oz. in a quart.

We were convinced that the metric system was much more 'user friendly' (a term that, to my knowledge, didn't exist back then) and that it was the way of the future. It would simplify all of our units of measurement, thus, showing the world that Canada was a forward looking, and progressive country.

Charts, and conversion guides were hastily drawn up so that we could compare, and convert the old to the new. Conversion formula were printed in newspapers, so that we could supposedly speak and understand the new language.

Here's a real beaut, to show just how simple our lives could be:

Let's try converting 68 degrees Farenheit to celsius 5/9(68-32)

Step 1: 68 less 32 is 36
Step 2: 5 divided by 9 is 0.5555555555555
Step 3: multiply the repeating decimal by 36
Step 4: your solution is 20

Easy, huh?

To put it bluntly, and mildly, we were fucked over.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm a staunch supporter of the metric system -it is a better method- the problem lies not with the system itself, but how it's been (non)implemented.

O.k., I know how much a litre is (thanks to beer) and I've got a pretty good idea of how much a gram is- (nevermind)

But that's pretty much it. No matter how I try, I still convert K's to miles in my head, and I still think in terms of feet and inches. I'm 6 foot 3 and-a-half inches tall, but I can't tell you how tall I am in centimetres.

Part of the problem is that when we (supposedly) converted, to save costs, manufacturers just converted to the system without changing sizes. A great example of this is the pop can.

I don't know about you, but I'd be having a hard time remembering that Mom told me to pick up a  four-hundred-and-seventy-three ml bottle of 'Big Mouse' whiskey on my way back from my therapy session………

That's like saying that it's only 5,760 feet (one mile) to the hobby shop. (liquor store)

What The Fuck???

Then, there's the 'forgotten' units. Where the hell is the decimetre when you need it? Where's the decilitre, the decametre, the hectagram, the mamogram, the telegram?

The system is base ten, and as such, we were told that we could use it much easier just by looking at our fingers, (unless, of course, you're Hound Dog Taylor) or moving a decimal point over one or two places.

Unfortunately, like most things in life that are supposed to make our lives simpler, we end up making things much more difficult.

To this day, I still see units of measurement in the newspapers that are old English. Or even better (or worse, as the case may be) metric units followed by the old English translation.

The best though, has got to be the yanks, -who don't even officially use the metric system- changing the spellings so that instead of metre', we get 'meter'; from 'litre', comes 'liter', and from mosquito, we get 'skeeter………'

Shall I say it again? Sure, why not……..

'What the Fuck?!?'

I couldn't wait 'till next year when it was a nice round number 30.

In 1978 I was a sixteen year old teenage loser. I really was a mess. I was frightened by life and the world around me, and terrified at the prospects of facing the big 'WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO WITH THE REST OF YOUR LIFE' question.

In short, I was just like millions of other teenage wrecks around the world trying to come to grips with raging hormones, acne vulgaris that could have made medical textbooks, and the difficult questions like how one actually asked a woman to give you a blowjob.

Yikes. It certainly wasn't easy. I wouldn't revisit my youth for all the riches that were in Fort Knox before America went off the Gold Standard……..

For whatever reasons, I bought the latest Rolling Stones record 'Some Girls.'

Now, I knew all about the Rolling Stones at that time. I recall dancing to 'Brown Sugar' at my very first school dance when I was much younger. I also seem to recall that my older sister had a 45 of 'Honky Tonk Women.'

Beyond that, I was familiar with a lot of their '60s radio hits, although to this day, I still don't know how. Maybe there was something subliminal in their songs that made them stick in my head after only hearing them once, accidentally on the radio.

My folks certainly weren't fans -they sure as hell weren't exposing me to the likes of those greasy English kids.

Never the less, the Rolling Stones always sounded familiar to me.

So, as I was saying, I went out and bought 'Some Girls' when it first came out.

I didn't stand a chance.

Here was Disco: 'Miss You'  (which, as a suburban kid, I was supposed to hate)

Country music: 'Far Away Eyes' (also, as a suburban kid I was supposed to hate)

R&B: 'Just My Imagination', 'Beast Of Burden' (which, as a suburban kid, I was supposed to hate)

Punkish Rock: 'Respectable', 'Lies' (which, as a suburban kid I was supposed to hate) 

……Hell, just thinking about it, I guess I wasn't supposed to like anything short of Led Zeppelin, and Led Zeppelin.

For the record (again) I never liked Led Zeppelin………..

So, here was 'Some Girls' with all this diversity on it, in heavy rotation on my $50. record player. It took me years to realize just how much it snuck up on me, and altered my perception of what a band can, and can not do.

Eventually, I realized that it didn't matter what you played, as long as you played it well. It taught me that format, style, genre, et al, were pretty much useless ideas. What really mattered is that you played from the heart.

Unfortunately, what it didn't do was clear up my acne, or get me laid!