As I approach the competent level on the banjo, I'm reminded of how I felt when I was playing guitar.

I recall reaching a point of competence on the guitar where I could play things fairly decently without trying too hard. I had put in enough time and effort to make it seem as though things were coming to me naturally, even though they most certainly hadn't.

One day, while playing, I had this terrifying flash of horror. That little fucking demon in my sub-conscious mind managed to get out of his cage and pelt me with questions like 'what's the point?' or 'suppose you do get to be as proficient as you've always wanted to be. Then what?'

I guess that's why Munch painted 'The scream.'

Sometimes I feel as though I've got a devil on one shoulder……………….. and a devil on the other.

It took me a long time to get past that one……….. Well, o.k., we don't ever completely overcome that one, but we can learn to deal with it.

I've learned to accept things for what they are and to apprerciate that things are just what they are -nothing more, nothing less.

Am I sounding like a buddhist here? I hope not. I resent the fact that those fuckers are getting so much credit for unanswerable ideas, or what we refer to as thought experiments.

So, as I approach a comfortable level of achievement on my banjo, I begin to wonder whether I'm gonna get hit with that fucking angst again.

I doubt it.

Life is pretty good.

All I really want to do is sit around and play my banjo, and watch old westerns.

Alright, that's not entirely true. All I really want to do is sit around and play my banjo, watch old westerns, smoke cigarettes, drink beer, take photographs, travel, read books, tell everyone to kiss my ass, and maybe some day, visit the centre of a black hole to see if Stephen Hawking knew what the hell he was talking about.

Now, that's not too much to ask for, is it?

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