…….. back from a brief attack of mental instability……….

Yesterday, Barry Bonds schwacked his 755th tater over the wall to tie him with Hank Aaron on the all time leaders list.

This really annoyed some people, who feel as though Bonds is a steriod enhanced cheater, and an asshole to boot.

Actually they're right. But that's what I LIKE about Bonds. He is an asshole, and he's currently under investigation for steroid use.

I like the idea that Bonds seemingly goes out of his way to make people hate him. I suspect that he's not only trying to break Aaron's home run record, but he's trying to surmount Ty Cobb's achievements in vile behaviour.

He most certainly will surpass Aaron, but he's got to go a hell of a lot further to beat ol Ty.

Cobb was a bonafide psychopath. His storied career is littered with anecdotes of him attacking fans, extreme racist behaviour, alleged gambling on games, beating his wife, and just about anyone else who stood in his way.

What I find interesting is that over time, all of these grave 'character flaws' have become something of a joke. "Yeah, that 'ol Ty  sure was a mean son-of-a-bitch, but he sure could hit!……… chuckle-chuckle."

Then, there's the beloved Mick -Mickey Mantle. Mantle admitted to regularly playing drunk, and was the proud recipient of a new liver after he blew his own out from years of boozing. Never mind the bullshit about celebrities getting preferential treatment. It's just not true!  -yes, i'm being sarcastic here…….

Again, we see that as the years pass all transgressions are forgiven. Besides -more sarcasm coming- booze is not at all like steroids. It's a different type of drug………. no wait…… I stand corrected……… it's not a drug at all. Our government says so!

I've said it before, and I'll say it again: ATHLETES AND CELEBRITIES ARE NOT ROLE MODELS. Secretly I hope that some day Barry Bonds (perhaps on the occasion of giving his hall of fame induction speech) will say as much. Wouldn't that be hilarious?

Announcer: "Ladies and gentleman…………. inducted into the Hall of Fame on the first ballot by the Baseball Writers of America, the all time leading home run king, number 25 for the San Francisco Giants, BARRY BONDS!!!!!!"

Barry Bonds, stepping up to the podium to mixed applause: "Thank you very much fans! Can I hear it a little louder from the folks at the back? Come on people…….. I'm the greatest that ever was, you can do better than that!

First off, I want to extend a big thanks to the Baseball Writers of America for voting me into the Hall of Fame, mind you, they should be thanking me for giving them so much to write about over the years.

I, of course, should have been voted in on the first ballot. It really is quite obvious that a man of my vertiginous talents would be a shoo-in for the Hall.

Ladies and gentlemen, there is something that I would like to address today. Something that I have strived for throughout my entire professional carreer.

I would like to take a moment to briefly talk about how much of an asshole that I was, and continue to be. Further to that, I would like to point out that you are even bigger assholes than I for trying to make a model out of me. heh-heh……… that's like trying to teach your daughters how to be ladies by showing them videos of that old attention whore, Madonna."  

cough-cough………. "Pardon my French."

"In the dark days of my baseball career, I was in jeopardy of becoming too much of a nice guy, who's outbursts and raving tantrums were perceived as just a psychological side-effect of of my enormous talents.

"Fortunately, I was able to overcome this mis-representation with the deliberate use of steroids. Believe me, It hasn't been easy. Only a true champion like myself would be able to withstand the horrors of a banned substance, and then leak to the press that I had actually used them.  

"For that I am to be commended.

"Thank you for your foolish concern and interest over my long and illustrious career. You may approach the podium aafter I have dropped my drawers to kiss my ass!"

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