Last nite, I watched a movie called 'Thank You For Smoking.'

Hilarious.

I'm not gonna get into the plot, other than to summarize that it's basically about 'spinning' facts or statements to make them work to your own benefit.

It really got me to thinking about something quite similar: How we are utterly dependant upon using lawyers to solve our problems, or explaining the law to us.

I remember hearing in a movie, or reading somewhere that 'justice isn't about the truth, it's about conflict resolution.' In other words, as I see it, it doesn't matter who is right or wrong, what matters is resolving the dispute.

How fucked is that? Truth, or right and wrong are not the issue. They are just 'ingredients' that flavor the final taste of the stew…….

Lawyers have their own language of subterfuge that they use, so that we're at their mercy. They'll use bullshit like 'notwithstanding' when 'in spite of' works just as good; 'modalities', when 'conditions' would be more understood; 'hypothec', when 'absolute right' would be fine; ………therin, thereof, therefrom, hereof, herein, hereby, hereinabove, -and a mountain of other bullshit adverbs, and prepositions that are guaranteed to make your head spin.

(All of the above words were actually gleaned from a legal document I have right here in front of me)

Pepper a couple of paragraphs with that kind of gibberish, and you can see why you'd need a translator, uh, lawyer.

The few times I've had to deal with lawyers in my life, I figured that if I just clearly articulated myself, the issue at hand could be immediately resolved. That wasn't the case. I can't speak the language.

One time, a few years ago, I had a dispute that looked like it was going to go to court. I thought to myself 'No problem. I'll just clearly explain my situation to the judge, and everything will work out fine.'

However, after thinking about it for a while, I began to think that things might not be so cut and dry. In a perfect world, I used to think that stating the facts as you know them, would get to the bottom of things, and any judge would be able to sort out the mess.

Now, I'm not so sure. Lawyers like to spout shit like 'Anyone who represents themselves in a court of law, has a fool for a client.' In other words, even if you do tell the truth, and do state the facts correctly, it doesn't mean that you will resolve your problem.

Sad, isn't it? We like to delude ourselves into thinking that the truth shall set us free.

Unfortunately, that isn't always the case.

After watching 'Thank You For Smoking' last nite, I wondered why no-one has written a story/script/play about how we're so utterly dependant upon lawyers in matters of business, finance, etc……. A film that pointed out how most of us are completely lost when it comes to dealing with lawyerspeak.

Then I realized why: A movie like that wouldn't get made. It'd be blocked by an ocean of lawsuits from a gaggle of lawyers trying to keep their trade secrets safe………….

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