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The Polished Hoe

by Joe
Monday, February 19th, 2007 at 12:53 pm (1 year, 6 months ago).

Added Tues. Feb. 20th:

Last night I went out to a bar with a couple of friends. I decided to do a little experiment, as there was a poster advertising 'The Polished Hoe' on the wall.

I asked a couple of people -male and female- that "judging by the poster, what would you think the play is about?"

All of them said something along the lines of "It's probably about a woman/maybe a prostitute, re-establishing her dignity."

Now, either I hang out with morons, or I only drink in bars full of idiots, or the poster is somewhat misleading!!

If, in fact, I do only drink in bars full of idiots, why exactly are you trying to attract the likes of us to your show?

Why didn't the promoters of this play put an actual garden hoe on the poster? I'll tell you why: BECAUSE A PICTURE OF A GARDEN HOE WON'T SELL TICKETS TO A PLAY, BUT A PAINTING OF AN ATTRACTIVE, SCANTILY CLAD WOMAN WILL!!!

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One of the comment submitters actually works for the publicists who are promoting the show here in Toronto. Either they feel the urgent need to defend Austin Clarke, and set me straight, or else they're using my blog to generate more interest, and hype their show……

…….oh…….. you'll generate a lot of interest, and publicity from commenting on my site, alright…………. form all six of my readers!

 And here's the original post:

I just about spit beer all over my t.v. last nite when a commercial came on advertising a stage production of 'The Polished Hoe.'

This voice-over guy, (you know the type, a rich sounding authoritative, baritone) tells you how to get tickets, mentions reviews, etc., while a beautiful string quartet plays a lovely melody in the background.hoe.jpg

It's fucking hilarious to hear this guy constantly saying 'The Polished Hoe' over and over again with his perfect speaking voice, and precise diction.

I imagined him going home after a hard days work, being greeted by his kids, who ask him "What did you do at work today, Daddy?"

'Well, kids, I did an ad for a gardening tool. Pretty mundane stuff………'

That's what it fucking sounds like.

Jesus, the author of the book/play even spelled the title wrong!!!

HOE when used in the pejorative, or as slang for a prostitute is spelled 'ho! Here's evidence. Make sure you scroll down to #2, and #7

Get with it Daddy-o. If you're gonna attempt to come off as sounding hip, or you want to attempt to imbue yourself with 'street cred' Spell The Fucking Words Right!

Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that sort of thing. My poor grammar, and bad spelling is excused by my lack of a formal education………

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6 Responses to “The Polished Hoe”

  1. Lilly Lilly (1)
    1 year, 6 monthsago, Monday, February 19th, 2007 at 5:43 pm

    Do you even know what the Polished Hoe is about?  You sound so stupid. NO it is not about a prostitute and yes it is about a Garden tool.  Had you taken the time to investigate it before you made your lame comments you would have discovered that it is a play written about a murder in the West Indian island of Bimshire and is based on a novel that has won a Giller Award. Not that that actually means anything to you but I thought others should or would like to know. L 

  2. Carrie Carrie (1)
    1 year, 6 monthsago, Monday, February 19th, 2007 at 5:44 pm

    Is this an attempt at humour on your part, or plain and simple ignorance?  I am not laughing yet.  And believe me, the Giller Prize-winning author knows how to spell.

  3. Jenn Jenn (2)
    1 year, 6 monthsago, Monday, February 19th, 2007 at 6:04 pm

    DUDE!You got it all wrong.The stage production of The Polished Hoe is based on the award winning novel by Austin Clarke.  In addition to winning the 2003 Giller Prize, Canadian writer Austin Clarke won the prestigious Commonwealth Prize for best book and the Trillium Book Award.The 'hoe' that is referred to in the title - is in fact a garden hoe - that the main character in the story (a former black slave named Mary Mathilda) claims to have used to kill Mr. Bellfeels, the plantation owner, who is her patron, some-time lover and the father of her son, Wilberforce.The play premiers in Toronto and then travels to Barbados in the spring. But that's ok…I'll forgive your ignorance on account of your lack of formal education.

  4. Joe Joe (35)
    1 year, 6 monthsago, Monday, February 19th, 2007 at 6:46 pm

    Hello Ladies (I'm assuming that you're ladies; but I've been wrong in the past. I once knew a fellow who's name was Carrie……)

    No, I haven't read 'The Polished Hoe.' No, I don't know what it's about. I don't think that I'm going to either, after reading several reviews.

    And no, It doesn't mean anything to me that it won a fucking SCOTIABANK Giller Prize©. So did that insufferable bore Wayson Choy.

    For the most part, most so called Canadian literature is one big crock of shit. It's a bunch of back-slapping arse-lickers.

    Carrie:

    I can tell you're a fellow Canuck. Your spelling of 'humour' is a dead giveaway. Here's why we've got to put up with so much bullshit Canadian literature: We're made to think that because it's written by a Canadian, it's got to be good.

    I call bullshit.

    Yes, this was my 'attempt' at humour, and yes, it was 'plain and simple ignorance.' I don't know shit about the play. All I do know is the fucking commercial!

    What is it with the Giller reference in both posts? Does that automatically make it good? I don't think so……… (Repeat above comment)

    Don't agree with my opinions?

    STAY THE FUCK OFF OF MY WEBSITE!!

  5. Jade Jade (2)
    1 year, 6 monthsago, Tuesday, February 20th, 2007 at 10:56 am

    Hi I tried to post a comment yesterday but it didn't work for some reason.By now you know a little bit about "The Polished Hoe" but I thought I would address your comment about the Giller reference.  In addition to winning the Giller, Austin Clarke also won the prestigious Commonwealth Prize for best book (in the entire Commonwealth) - so it did earn international acclaim.  If anyone is interested in learning more about a fellow Canadian artist, check out this article on Austin Clarke that ran in the Toronto Star on the weekend.  He's quite an interesting and inspiring man. http://www.thestar.com/article/182976Just an FYI, the play adaptation premiers in Toronto this week and then travels to Barbados in the spring where it will represent Canada's cultural contribution to the World Cricket Championships. I'm all about supporting Canadian artists of all kinds!!

  6. peanut peanut (1)
    9 months, 3 weeksago, Monday, November 19th, 2007 at 11:15 am

    what the fuck is the book about?

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