Finally got around to watching 'Trailer Park Boys: The Movie' last night. What a hoot! I haven't laughted so hard in……. well…….. I can't remember.

(I also watched Louis Malle's 'Elevator to the Gallows.' -so there!)

I guess the reason I find The Trailer Park Boys so funny, is that I know people just like them, and it's not hard at all to imagine some of the scenarios depicted in the movie.

I get the feeling that there is a certain element of the population that feel that watching the trailer park boys is crude, or below them, and that some people that feel as though watching this stuff will automatically lower their i.q. 20-30 points.

You're right. But isn't that the idea?

Try to remember what Nietzsche said: (o.k., I don't remember……….) but it was something along the lines of 'Every time we laugh at something, it symbolizes something in us that has died.'

Or, as I like to say: "All humor is just tragedy in disguise."  < That's one of my quotes ……..that you can have!  -You're welcome!

Put it into that context, and you're allowed to watch the Trailer Park Boys till you're eyeballs turn into little shriveled raisins!

So, next time you're at one of those boring office coctail parties, make sure you drop in a subtle little reference, like "Oh my Fuck", or Jesus Boys….. that fucking (insert name here) is really drivin' the liquor into himself!!!! This is gonna get fucking good!"

It's Funny, You Laugh. That's all there is to it -when you're not being overly analytical.

………and here's the reason why:

Ricky, talking about Corey and Trevor:

"Bubbles, they're as stupid as fuck giraffes in a dumb-dumb salad"

Bubbles, while attempting to rip off an atm, talking about the dye bombs they put in them to mark stolen money:

"Careful, Rickey! That's blue dye under pressure! That whore blows, and we all look like those blue, bald headed dicks that beat the drums!"

Ricky, when being dragged outta jail thirty days early, so that he can't play in the ball hockey tournament against the guards:

"Aw, this is fucking bullshit! You're gonna throw me outta jail are you? I've got every right to be in this fucking jail serving my sentance!

Now this is just dumb. Why the hell would we want to avoid using the internet for a whole day? Why don't we have 'International Hold Your Breath Day', or 'International Don't Go To The Bathroom Day?'

You know that the folks behind this idea are hoping that people will turn off their computers for a day and realize that they've been neglecting their families, or at the very least, have some epiphany about the 'outside world' and think 'gee, I didn't realize what I was missing.'

How naïve.

Seems to me like that's putting a little too much faith in human intellegence.

Big mistake.

Instead, why don't we have 'International Surf the 'Net for Twenty-four Hours Day,' or ' International Read Joe's Shitty Blog Day?'

That'd probably achieve the desired effect.

They're going about it all backwards………..

Last nite was the big nite! The Oscars! The Glory! The one for all the marbles!

I was so busy at work that I had time to watch almost the whole show un-interrupted. -O.K., so, I switched channels at 9 to watch a Trailer Park Boys Episode……….

First off, for all you nay-sayers out there, I'd like to say that just because I haven't seen 99.9% of the movies mentioned, doesn't mean that I can't report or comment on the Oscars. I was in the film (porn) industry for a couple of years, a while back, so I do know what I'm talking about. 

I guess the real shocker of the nite had to be Scorsese winning for 'best picture.' Now, 'The Departed' is one of the films that I did see last year, so I've got every right to speak my mind about it.

However, even though I think that Scorsese is one of the greatest directors of our time, I think they really only gave it to him outta sympathy. He'd been robbed so many times in the past that they figured that they'd finally have to give him something…………..

But on the other hand, that leaves instant classics like 'Borat', and 'Talladega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby' out in the cold……….

Frankly, I was apalled that they weren't even nominated in the 'best picture' category. Small consolation for the directors if these little masterpieces that they can consider themselves in the same league as Orson Welles, for never having won for best picture.

Oh well………. Time marches on. As the long suffering fans of the Toronto Maple Leafs keep saying: "Maybe Next Year"

Then there was the 'best actor' category. What a fucking sham. How the hell does Forest Whitaker win for a roll in a movie I didn't even see? It couldn't have been that good, or I would have seen it, right?

Again, we find that the obvious winner was cheated. Everybody knows that the real winner should have been Samuel L. Jackson for 'Snakes on a Plane.'

Personally, just between you and me, I think the academy gave the oscar to Whitaker over Jackson,  because he's black.

Don't get me wrong here, I'm sure that Whitaker did a fine job in whateverthehell movie he was in, but you've gotta admit: This is just another case of those slack-bellied Hollywood Liberals giving out an award to somebody because they figured they deserve it -not because they earned it!

I mean, I like the Ellen Degeres show just as much as the next guy, but that doesn't mean that you let him host the Oscars!

Am I right here, people?

They have a gay guy hosting the awards, to show how liberal and fair they can be, when they really should have given the job to someone more appropriate…………………… like Britney Spears.

I rest my case.

i stand corrected…………………..     BZZZZT! NOT!!!

You know…….. it's the simple things in life that keep us sane.

Sitting in the tub with a beer in one hand, a cigarette in the other, and some weird old music somewhere in the background.

Now that's what I call a saturday nite!

Me and 'The Music.'

I've always got some kind of sound going on in my head. If I'm not imagining a tune, I'm humming one. If I'm not doing either, it's because there's some music being played that I'm listening to.

I'm obsessed.

Maybe if things had turned out different for me, I would have become a composer. I'm not saying that I would have become a good composer, but nevertheless, I may have gone in that direction had there been any opportunity to do so.

As those of you who have been reading my junk here know, I like all sorts of stuff. There's very little that I don't like.

I don't like jazz fusion, -a la Miles Davis' 'Bitches Brew', but I do like a lot of Davis' other stuff. 'Fusion' sounds to me like a bunch of wankers sitting around trying to impress each other. Pretentious.

However, I do like racket-ey stuff like Ornette Coleman, Don Pullen, James 'Blood' Ulmer -players who use copious amounts of 'noise' to get their ideas across. Great stuff, if you're in the mood for it.

'New Country' is pretty much all shit as well. What the fuck happened there? Somebody in Nashville figured that if they could meld country with pop/rock, they could make a shit pile of dough. They were right. Unfortunately, it doesn't make for very enjoyable listening.

A lot of rap/hip-hop doesn't work for me either. That's because I'm getting too old for that stuff. It's a kids game, and good for them too! They're making music for themselves that is uniquely their own. That's what they're supposed to do. It's their job to do something that annoys us older squares.

Remember when we were teenagers listening to The Velvet Underground, or The Sex Pistols, or Triumph, or Bela Bartok, and driving our parents nuts? We were doing our job! That's what the kids today are doing: Finding their own way. Creating their own lives.

In fact, I don't think I'm actually allowed to listen to, or own any of the music that they're playing today. It's illegal………..

Some operas can drive me absolutely nuts as well, but there are certain pieces from some that I love. Listen to Mascagni's 'Cavaleria Rusticana, and tell me you don't like opera! 

For the most part, I'm just one big music fan.

In my world Beethoven leads to Charlie Parker, leads to Hank Williams, leads to AC/DC, leads to The Rolling Stones, leads to Muddy Waters, leads to Dock Boggs, leads to The Sex Pistols, leads to Claude Debussy, leads to Tom Waits, leads to Dean Martin, leads to B.B. King, leads to The Foo Fighters, (how the fuck does that happen), leads to Webb Pierce………..

Since I don't have a photo that fits this post, here's a shot of a telephone post:

Last movie watched:

White Heat. Been watching a lot of older gangster movies lately. I went out and bought a boxed set of dvds that include a bunch of Cagney films. I saved the best -White Heat- for last. I've seen this movie years ago, but wanted to have a copy, 'cause I know I'll watch it again! The end scene at the oil refinery is to me, one of the most memorable in movie history. Also included in the set was 'Angels With Dirty Faces', featuring those little pricks 'The Dead End Kids.' Cagney's part as Tommy Sullivan might be his most intense character ever.

 Last riff played on the banjo:

The middle 'machine gun', fiddle part riff in Sally Gooden. Fucking thing is gonna drive me crazy, if I don't show it who the boss is first! Over, and over, and over, for hours……

Last meal eaten:

 A nice fusili pasta, with roasted garlic alfredo sauce. I'm pretending I'm back in some little ristorante in Rome, being laughed at by the locals for drinking beer with pasta alfredo!

Last Book Read:

Well, to be honest, I'm still working my way through Dawkins's 'The God Delusion.' I'm really taking my time on this one 'cause there's a lot of ideas to absorb.

However, I did pick up a copy of 'Please Kill Me: The Uncensored Oral History Of Punk' at a discount store the other day. Again, like the movies mentioned, I've read this book before. I lent it out to someone a few years ago, and that was the end of that.

Please Kill Me, written by Legs McNeil (the man who claims to have coined the term 'Punk') and Gillian McCain, is a first person account of those who lived the glory days of Punk in the seventies. It starts back in the sixties with quotes and anecdotes from the likes of Lou Reed, and Iggy Pop, and follows Punk's meteoric rise -and ultimate crash- through the seventies and early eighties.

So what is it, Joe? Are you being deluded by god, or taunted by the (Johnny Rotten) antichrist?

No matter how hard I try, I'll never be as cool as Guy Lafleur.

Working hard?

Or hardly working?

Probably the former. We've gotten to the point where even insinuating that someone is lazy has become one of the gravest of insults. How the hell did this happen? What is it that makes us work our asses into a sorry state, and feel guilty if we stop and think about what wretches we've become for it?

I gave you the answer in the last sentence:

'GUILTY'

Guilty as charged. 'I shouldn't be wasting my time watching some asinine t.v. program, when I could be doing something more productive.'

Why am I laying here on the floor staring at the ceiling, trying to make sense of 'IT ALL' when I could be working, and saving towards my future?

Sweet Jesus! Does everything have to be financially beneficial to be worthwhile?

Unfortunately -in our society- the answer is yes.

That's like saying (which I've found to be frighteningly true) that an artist's work is only good if it sells.

Sad, isn't it?

We use words like 'lazy', 'apathetic', and 'couch-potato' as if they were a BAD thing!

That's something I've rebelled against my entire adult life. Fortunately, I was lucky enough to have parents that let me figure it out for myself. There was a time when my folks sat me down and gave me 'The Talk', (No, not 'The Sex Talk' -that didn't come until I was in my twenties……) but I like to think that I was observant enough to realize that that was all it was: An attempt to be a good and responsible parent.

My folks suggested to me once -and only once- that maybe I should think about being 'responsible', settling into some kind of vocation, and building a solid life foundation.

Thankfully, as I said, I was able to see through it, and to realize that it was just my parents making sure that I knew I had options.

I'm not saying that it's ideal to be lazy all the time, but it's been greatly beneficial to me when guiltless procrastination, and diligent laziness, can be achieved in perfect harmony! It's the Yin and Yang of the apathetic!

Added Tues. Feb. 20th:

Last night I went out to a bar with a couple of friends. I decided to do a little experiment, as there was a poster advertising 'The Polished Hoe' on the wall.

I asked a couple of people -male and female- that "judging by the poster, what would you think the play is about?"

All of them said something along the lines of "It's probably about a woman/maybe a prostitute, re-establishing her dignity."

Now, either I hang out with morons, or I only drink in bars full of idiots, or the poster is somewhat misleading!!

If, in fact, I do only drink in bars full of idiots, why exactly are you trying to attract the likes of us to your show?

Why didn't the promoters of this play put an actual garden hoe on the poster? I'll tell you why: BECAUSE A PICTURE OF A GARDEN HOE WON'T SELL TICKETS TO A PLAY, BUT A PAINTING OF AN ATTRACTIVE, SCANTILY CLAD WOMAN WILL!!!

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One of the comment submitters actually works for the publicists who are promoting the show here in Toronto. Either they feel the urgent need to defend Austin Clarke, and set me straight, or else they're using my blog to generate more interest, and hype their show……

…….oh…….. you'll generate a lot of interest, and publicity from commenting on my site, alright…………. form all six of my readers!

 And here's the original post:

I just about spit beer all over my t.v. last nite when a commercial came on advertising a stage production of 'The Polished Hoe.'

This voice-over guy, (you know the type, a rich sounding authoritative, baritone) tells you how to get tickets, mentions reviews, etc., while a beautiful string quartet plays a lovely melody in the background.

It's fucking hilarious to hear this guy constantly saying 'The Polished Hoe' over and over again with his perfect speaking voice, and precise diction.

I imagined him going home after a hard days work, being greeted by his kids, who ask him "What did you do at work today, Daddy?"

'Well, kids, I did an ad for a gardening tool. Pretty mundane stuff………'

That's what it fucking sounds like.

Jesus, the author of the book/play even spelled the title wrong!!!

HOE when used in the pejorative, or as slang for a prostitute is spelled 'ho! Here's evidence. Make sure you scroll down to #2, and #7

Get with it Daddy-o. If you're gonna attempt to come off as sounding hip, or you want to attempt to imbue yourself with 'street cred' Spell The Fucking Words Right!

Fortunately, I don't have to worry about that sort of thing. My poor grammar, and bad spelling is excused by my lack of a formal education………