Here's Alec with another slice of life:

The night I farted and then my van went on fire

I`ve had some wacky nights in my time and this one will rank up high in the memory banks.

Brokenjoe had finished playing a great party gig in Brantford and I`d dropped off band mates Jerome and Joe at their respective homes.

 As I drove south to my place in Parkdale on this rainy evening, I let a private little fart go with all the windows up. It seemed harmless at the time. No chicks around.

As I turned on to my street not five seconds later I noticed a chemical sort of smell and started to wonder what I had ate at Ted and Rena`s party that would produce such a stench. I flicked on the interior light to discover that the whole cab was whited out and then noticed that the hood was spewing a lot of smoke.

I pulled in front of my house, popped the hood and ran in to my place to grab the fire extinguisher. As I ran out the door, my dog got out and followed me towards the mayhem. My fear at this point was that all my musical gear was in a burning truck that was right next to other vehicles that could easily catch on fire if mine decided to blow.

What I wasn`t prepared for was my little 15 pound dog attacking a big ass raccoon and chasing it around the van as I was dealing with my first problem.

Then I started to realize that my dog could easily be wiped out of existence by this raccoon with one swipe from it`s claws. So my focus changed from mass cars exploding to grabbing my dog and scaring the raccoon away, then bolting in the house with Super Poodle by the scruff of her neck, throwing her in the door and scooting back to the original dilemma to take care of that.

The raccoon at this point was panting up a tree, either because the mighty cockapoo had showed it who was boss or that my voice punctured it`s eardrums during the cafuffle. After ten minutes or so I managed to put it all out while hacking up whatever I had ingested earlier. I went into the house and gave my daft dog a good talking to. I actually think she understood that the big guy doesn`t want to fight off raccoons while his van is burning.

I`ll never fart again.

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