A couple of little tips on how to live forever -or at least make it seem that way.

1. Get addicted to drugs, cigarettes, booze……… hell,  just about anything'll do. Now quit.  Trust me, life will seem to be taking forever. Better yet, do 'em all; preferably one right after another, and it'll seem like you've added centuries to your life span.

2. Try to master an instrument. I've been playing this goddamned banjo now for a few years. And I mean playing. Sure, I'm definitely improving all the time, but sometimes it sure feels slow. Now, don't get me wrong; I love the challenge, and the thrill that comes with really being able to do something not only right, but properly. Amazingly enough, I'll be damned if I ain't adding years to my life in the process. Time slows to a trickle…… Voila!! General Relativity. The grey matter in my head is causing the space and time around me to curve.

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